This Week's Letters

Note: These were meant to be published last Friday.

Got a little behind.

Dear Boyfriend,
The other day when I dropped you off at work you walked halfway up the long path to the doors, then turned around and came back to the car for a second good-bye kiss. I love when your small acts of sweetness catch me off guard.

xo,
Girlfriend

*~*~*

Dear School Traffic,
We are not friends. I do not welcome you back.

*~*~*

Dear Fall,
You, on the other hand, deserve a Welcome Back PARADE. Unfortunately I don't have the resources for that, so please accept this copied and pasted image of a Curly Girl Design greeting card instead.

*~*~*

Dear Mark, Todd, & Michael,
Each of you are at the start of a new challenge. Whether it's another semester of grad school, a new job, or your first year of law school, I want you to know: I love you, I believe in you, and you make me proud.

*~*~*

Dear Mom & Dad,
The new tile in the kitchen looks spectacular. Sometimes big purchases can kidnap your breath in a just-got-sucker-punched-in-the-gut kind of way, but hopefully when you glance at the floor you see a great-looking investment rather than porcelain dollar signs.

*~*~*

Dear Man Who Can't Be Moved,
If you don't call the front office and schedule a time for maintenance to steam clean the carpet by Friday, I'm going to stomp on your spankle (sprained ankle).

Don't test me,
Woman Who Won't Be Stopped

Ps. You realize if you'd just put my name on the lease, I could do all these things for you and my violent threats would decrease dramatically.

Something to think about.